Why Dishonesty kills, and Integrity wins.

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From my recent experience of Life, I have come to see that, that is a very common way of being wherein people feel that it is necessary to say something which is less than the truth, all in the name of survival.

As you already might know, telling the truth, and being honest isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do. It stems from the fear of what others might think of you, and it relates to our natural human desire to want to be socially accepted and fitting in. And what’s more, in the career line, and corporate society, it seems to me that it is more for the sake of being able to get that next promotion, or to get a better ‘deal’ if you like. It is for the sake of pleasing the other person who is higher up the rankings than you, so you can get yourself in their rated ‘A’ book.

Gosh, what a way to live.

Now, I realized I have changed much for as I grew older, I realized my capacity to say ‘no’ grew as well.
I stopped being willing to say ‘yes’ to things that goes against my gut feeling. I stopped filling my brain with countless doubts of ‘Am I wrong?, What did I do?’, to looking at things in an overall context, and preventing myself as much as I can, to be a victim of another’s moods.

That does not prevent me however to feel like as though I am caught in the scheme of things of being compromised because other people have a way of being and behaving which is completely unlike mine.

(Anyone else feels the same way?)

So for a while, I felt this ultimate sense of discomfort which gnaws at my gut and my heart. My facial skin definitely shows for it because I broke out in pimples far more than I could count in the last 2 months.

Now, here’s the thing.

I am a lover of the New thought, age old knowledge and wisdom, and indeed, it has helped me through my darkest times. However, what I have found is that sometimes, such New age or spiritual advice or wisdom has been overly abused where it is completely misunderstood and hence used wrongly.

So let’s talk about the age old advice of the New Age proclaimed “Self-love”; in the form of Integrity, in the context of Transparency, Truth and Honesty with yourself.

Now this is not about some overly abused New age or spiritual morally justified theory of ‘I love and accept myself, so I don’t need to care about what others think of me and so I am going to do my own thing, and you do yours.’. Nor is it about some fighting for the survival for your own personal viewpoints by insisting that you are right and others are wrong.

No, rather, this is a balanced, all rounded, grounded approach in managing your own values and expectations while at the same time being able to navigate your way around your daily life and relationships, and sometimes this really involves putting your feet down, and a hand up saying ‘Sorry, I can’t do this.’

Ultimately, it is up to you as to what you personally desire to uphold as personal principles and values.
For me, given my tolerance of dishonesty, and less than the truth and transparency has drastically reduced, I am much less willing to say or do anything that does not reflect the truth, even if the truth might not sound pretty. Nor am I willing to undertake anything which goes against the boundaries I have set for myself hence saying ‘No‘ has become a common occurrence recently.

And quite frankly, the sleepless nights ain’t worth it.

So let’s dissect a few simple ways on why the title of this article is at it is.

Why Dishonesty kills?

Who do you have to live with for the rest of your life when you push against your own integrity?

You.
Who lives with that burden of guilt, shame and blame?

You.

And we all know all of that creates some psychological impact on our mind and soul, which then can have a not so wonderful impact on our bodies.

And Why Integrity wins?

With enough integrity and value for yourself and what you uphold, I.e your principles and values, you will be more aware of situations where your integrity, self-honor might be wavered and therefore, you will be likely more inclined to put yourself in a better position to be able to handle it.

Oh, and you have nothing to hide. #SelfConfidenceTipNo.1

Also, why do you want to live with all the mental discomfort which dishonesty brings?
#IntegrityBringsSanity.

Listen folks, this is a touchy subject I agree, with being honest and transparent with yourself and others. I can already hear people saying ‘She ain’t know what she talkin’ about’ but seriously, take it from me.’
Nothing is worse than going against yourself, going against integrity with you, your principles and values, and being dishonest with you. And once you’re become good at being honest with you, I can bet that you will become a bit more uncomfortable with not being honest with others as well. So, you might want to start telling the truth to others as well then.

The more we do this, the more we get better at it. And if the more of us start doing this, the more we begin leveling out the playing field in the corporate world and in all your relationships too. And once being honest and transparent becomes a society norm, the world will then become a little bit better, if not a better place.

Note:
Being in integrity has resulted in a sense of lightness, freedom, instead of the feeling of burden and heaviness which have engulfed the author her whole adult life. Also, she sleeps better, lives a little more care freely without all the guilt and burden, and does not have to deal much with those horrible huge pimples breaking out overnight.

 

Jassica Nia xx

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Freedom Is Not What We Think It Is

Freedom Is Not What We Think It Is

-as published in Huffington Post

As most of us might have experienced, I grew up within the chains of culture, and grew up needing to conform to expectations of others and needing to do what I was told to do.

This is not about chastising our culture and our upbringing — in fact, I know some people are happy to stay status quo and that is fine too.

Hence the questions I always ask people are,

“What serves you?”

By “what,” I mean, thoughts, beliefs, ideas, current opinions, expectations and suggestions of yours and others.

“Where are you going in Life?”

“What do you want to be, do, have.”

“Does what you have always known, your beliefs, and your normal way of doing things serving you to get you to where you want to go?”

“Are you happy with where you are in Life?”

“If not, what can you choose to do now to change it?”

These questions and the answers you derive at are a good gauge to your satisfaction of your status quo in Life, and you are the only one who can make the decision of what that is.

I am only here as a guide to share with you what I went through and what I have personally gained.

So here is why the subject of “Freedom” and going for our dreams, passions and our desires, and following our heart really means a lot to me.

I never knew I didn’t understand freedom, until I finally got it, until I finally understood what it truly is for myself, and that, my friends, is real Liberation.

Freedom doesn’t come via someone in your life, not that spouse, that partner, or that best friend you have always had. In fact within each relationship itself, there in itself comes with its own complications.

This Freedom I am talking about is something else entirely.

It is about that space and the “knowing” that you allow yourself — where you acknowledge Who You Are, what you want to be, do and have in Life.

It is about acceptance of who You really are.

When that acceptance comes about, everyone else could have different opinions about how you should live your Life and how you should behave, but you can let that go with peace and still love them exactly the way they are and do what you know is right for you, because you have come to inner peace.

In other words, Freedom within.

And once you have that, no one has control over You, except You.

I can attest to that when I have been waking up each day with that feeling of wanting to Live More, Be More, and Do more, I realized the feeling of joyous liberation and “free-ness” despite certain parts of my life not working as how I want it to be.

I realized it’s also not about only being whatever you want when you finally got it. But it’s also about being and doing what you can now to get yourself there.

Life is an ongoing journey. The times we feel stagnant, unfulfilled are those times when we don’t do what we are supposed to do, when we don’t fulfill that inner calling to do what we are meant to do, when we expect someone to sort out our Life for us, or when we wait for someone to complete our lack, neediness and deficiencies.

No, Life is about continuously learning, expanding, developing and fulfilling that wonderful soul which You are.

So don’t wait until you get that lover, or until you get your promotion or paycheck, or until someone acknowledges you or praise you, or until your partner got his/her own promotion, or until your kids grow up.

Own your inner freedom, Now.

 

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Embracing Your Quirks

Embracing Your Quirks

-as published in Huffington Post

I recently woke up one day, some days before the end of 2015, to the realization that the very reason I think differently, is the very reason why I made it this far.

The traits which were deemed to be a ‘weakness’, were the very reason why I am still alive today despite the incurable condition I was quite conveniently diagnosed with on 20th May 2014.

It struck me that for those times where I have spent days and hours wondering if I have made the right choices in my life, was because there was this nudge, this ‘inner voice’ within me that says, ‘Life is not meant to be this way.’

…And I was right.

Looking back now, and having done and read some few personality tests such as the  16 personalities test (Briggs Meyer)  , I realized just how in tune I already was back then without ever really knowing that I was totally in line with what I should or shouldn’t be doing. Those times when I had such an uncomfortable feeling in the gut that I was totally going against the flow or the current, or those times when I always felt that ‘this just isn’t the right way to do things’.

What can I say now… except “Wow! You go girl!

On a serious note though, this just supports my long standing view further in following your gut-feeling, and your intuition. In the 16 personalities test, there is a personality called Diplomat – Campaigner’. This personality turned out to be mine, and trusting my feelings and intuition is so very in my character/personality, and people with such a personality advocates doing so.

However, prior to even knowing that trusting my intuition and feelings is part of my natural character, before the personality of ‘Diplomat’ even made any sense to me, I always felt like I was lost in this jungle of feelings and facts, and with the external world telling me what they think they know, and me following my intuition and gut feelings.

It doesn’t help that my nature/character personality is also such where there were times when I wasn’t too confident of what I think and what I do, and it was a real struggle having to balance all of it.

In fact, it took me a long time to realize that I was right all along.

So, this post is going out to those of you who is potentially like me. Those of us who somehow have a knowing that following our heart is the right thing to do, yet at the same time we aren’t terribly too sure of ourselves. We have an inkling that life is so much more than climbing the corporate ladder and going 9-5, or basically just doing what society tells us to do.

Now I am not telling you guys to totally ignore the external world, for that is an extreme and it is always a good thing to have a balance. But this is about accepting you as who you know you are, within.

The thing is, you actually already know who you really are, what you like, where you’d like to go in life (or at least have an idea of that), and here’s a fun fact for you, the majority of the society consists of a people who possess a character entirely different from us Diplomats, called Sentinels. These personalities think differently from characters and personalities like us, and yes, research has been done on this and you will know it to be true because if you possess a Diplomat – Campaigner character like me, you will already know how different you are from the rest of the population, or perhaps, how different the rest of them is… from you.

So my point is this, if you ever have this gut instinct and feelings of wonder as to why you are so different from that lady in your team, or that funny character from the other department, then there is a reason to trust it and follow where that nudge is pointing you towards. In my experience, you might most likely be right in your intuition and there really is no need for those days where you spent beating up yourself on why you react and behave so differently toward things which others have a ‘normal’ behavior/expectation towards, and/or you seem to have lesser ‘ambition’ than the rest of the peeps you know.

On this note however, of course, balance is required. I am in no way asking anyone to give the excuse that, ‘I was told to follow my intuition and be a dreamer, and today I feel lazy- in fact, I have been feeling lazy for some time now so I am gonna skip on that task today.’ Or am I telling you to run down the streets naked screaming that “YES! I am different and I knew it!” Or putting down others and insisting you are right.

No. It is always about balancing your character traits. Being different does not in any way mean you are immediately placed on a pedestal or we become offish and overly confident in areas which we might have a tendency to overlook. No one is perfect and for those times where you sense you might be lacking in some areas, perhaps that could also be a good reminder for you to polish up on that particular area to pave the way for you to become a more balanced individual.

Nothing wrong with that.

In any case, for now, let’s enjoy and celebrate your differences, perhaps even your flaws and yes, your quirks.

For perhaps that is what indeed makes you a tad more ‘special from them all. LSN_67_YouAreDifferent_IG 

 

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