Pain, Our Teacher

 

Pain.

We all fear it. Pain can hurt so much, a lot of us will do anything to suppress it. We’d do anything we can to not feel it, and our coping mechanism is to get intoxicated in that one other “thing”, be it food, alcohol, substances, another relationship, work, just to get our minds off that very thing that is bothering us. Sure, we do have our moments where it is okay to let loose, indulge and live a little. We are all entitled to that, but as this article is suggesting, there is alot more to it than that.

What I have personally found for the past 2 years or so; from the passing away of my beloved pet and soulmate, the letting go of people I love, situations and events, the crumbling down of structures which I have always thought will be permanent in my life, the death of egoic structure identifications which had you falsely believe in that which is not actually real,… Pain, is better dealt with when you truly allow yourself to feel it fully, rawly, entirely, when you allow it to just be inside you. Even when it can feel like it is ripping you apart from inside. Even when your heart is feeling strong sharp stabs of pain which hurt so bad, you’d just want to curl up on the hard cold floor and wish it was all over.

As bad as that sounds though, I found that once attention is being brought to that pain instead of avoiding it and running away from it, it will begin to cease to be.

Pain is almost like a child wanting to be noticed.

Once you take notice and acknowledges it though, it stops being so vicious. Yes, it can get worse initially but it is just the flame of your attention highlighting and illuminating what’s not working within you, what’s painful within you, and ultimately what needs to be acknowledged and released within you. What is not acknowledged, not owned to be yours, cannot be dealt with fully and let go off as how it was always meant to be.

You can’t let go of that which you don’t declare as yours.

Pain is a part and parcel of Life.

It is also one of the ways which we are meant to evolve and grow, if we let it. Sometimes it can be all too much. But if we understand how it all works, it’s only there to show us what’s there within us that we need to heal. Even if you prefer not to think something’s wrong with you, look at it in a way that says that something is not working for you and in your life.

Pain is a useful indicator.

Negative emotions are powerful signs that something is up, and you need to have a good look at what’s up inside of you. When ignored, it just gets bigger and bigger, and the one thing you are “addicted” to, be it food, alcohol, sex, work, substance to cope with it will only become less effective over time. You will know when you always feel painfully empty inside of you despite all the seeming “good” have in your life.

Once pain is really embraced fully, the saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” goes completely. However, quite frankly, they are only just words until you have really experienced it personally. That saying goes much deeper than the simplified meaning which has been given to it over time with repetitive usage by folks.

What breaks you, can make you stronger. But only if you deal with it the proper way.
When you allow yourself to feel it so fully, it almost feel like you’re dying in the process because it hurt so bad that words are too shallow to describe that feeling. When you have the strength to go into the flames, and allow the death of what you need to let go, the pain, the hurt, the anger and the fear.

That death could also be the ending of an expectation of something or someone, the ending of the resistance and inability to accept the ending of a situation or the passing away of a beloved, the ending of everything you ever thought was real. Within the ending however, that which is real will then begin to emerge.

It is only with the ending and ceasing away of what is not real that can then bring the truth to light.

Once that’s done though, you emerge from the other side, bigger, stronger. The cut, no matter how deep it was will begin to heal. The healing process has begun, if not already. The wound that was there before will begin to have the first signs of healing. You might feel bigger in love, stronger to hold the challenges that could come.

You might begin to feel more compassion for the people around you, and understand them for who they really are. You might begin to see through people and truly see them for who they are underneath the surface of the persona they decide to have for themselves.

You might also become more whole as a person where you are able to relate more to others, become more rounded as a human being, and ultimately become someone who is better and more deeply connected with the truth of Life.

At the end of it all, it will actually be all worth it. The journey will be worth it, and not only so, you will become more equipped to deal with what’s to come in a more genuine way – sometimes even without a bat of an eye, a shrug of a shoulder when it happens, indicating that you have clearly been through it all and done that, and all is actually, good.

Pain can be our teacher. If we let it. 

 

Continue Reading

How Acute Leukemia saved my Life

The lessons I have learnt from my condition has pretty much surfaced itself in a way where I can hardly begin to count it.

Fast forward 2 years plus later upon diagnosis, here I am, sat here typing on my laptop, with an entirely new and different perspective on Life, and most probably, a completely different person too, pre-diagnosis.

My health ordeal sparked off an internal journey to within. Deeper. And Deeper, smashing away to bits everything I have ever thought I knew. I realized I know nothing. And one of the life lessons are, I probably still know nothing. Every single thing which I thought mattered, no longer mattered that much. Everything I used to live for, completely dissolves itself away in front of my eyes.

The girl I thought I was, no longer exist.

It was time to be born anew.

~

Within every adversity, lies an Opportunity.

My condition did in fact give me a new opportunity, another chance at Life. I don’t know how I would be as a person now had I not been diagnosed with leukemia, forced to take necessary actions to prolong my life then, one by one, day by day, until I can be sure that I am perfect health again.

Right now, I relish at how I view life, and how I am able to keep in check things which used to bother me in daily life.

Mind you though, It hasn’t been an easy journey. Took me 2 years to get to this place. Difficult, is underestimating it. One of the biggest challenges I have had to encounter was battling with my own mind. Yet battle I did, and succeeded.

It was more than a necessity.

It was my lifeline.

~

Acknowledgement and Acceptance

However, one would be mistaken if battle and force was what made the ultimate solution reveal itself. The secret to the solutions which came over the prevailing 2 years of my life for the challenges which Life threw at me, arose out from a place of peace, fearlessness, and non resistance. The battle of the mind is necessary to keep you afloat, but there can come a time when all gets too much, and you are forced to look right at your fears, and acknowledge them exactly as they are.

In fact, one of the lessons I have learnt is to make peace with any situation that arises in any moment. Even if it is non-peace, anger, impatience, intolerance.

It was never about fighting fire with fire, but acknowledging, allowing, accepting, and merging with the shadow side and negative aspects of me, my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I learnt that transformation cannot be made happened. It can only be allowed to happen, when I stop fighting and resisting internally.

Yet these lessons only came little later. Thankfully, not too late.

Initially, I was afraid to die. I saw dying as failure. All that I could think at one point was, all my spiritual knowledge and all the ‘do-good-ing’ will render itself meaningless if I die. But little did I know then, that the acceptance of what I fear, was one of the necessary aspects to the solution I required then.

The acceptance of death.

A Knowing

I wouldn’t want to put into people’s mind that it was just a real strong belief that I can be well and healed of leukemia which was what did it nor would I recommend people doing what I did. The truth is, I don’t know for sure what did it. But what helped me recover from leukemia, was because I stumbled upon a traditional advanced Ayurvedic treatment. 6 months of chemotherapy sessions later, I decided that I have had enough of the invasive treatment.

I have had the guts, or perhaps, stupidity, to doggedly determinedly declare that I will heal without the said conventional treatment. I was determined to do it because deep down inside, I just had a knowing. That I could do this against all the odds of what was statistically known by modern science. 

And did it, I did. And recovered, I did.

~

Lesson

If there is a one main thing which stands out in my whole entire journey, it is constantly learning over and over again to listen to the nudge from within, that internal “calling”. It is something which I can’t really pin point as to exactly what it is, but it is almost like as though my entire body knows, with every fibre of its being. Oftentimes, it shows up as an initial thought which faded away but remain behind the background of the “noise” of thoughts in my head. Other times, it remains as a feeling of discomfort which hovers inside my body, a feeling I can’t put a finger on. Almost like as though it’s a feeling of grey dust which flutters and rests in the insides of my chest and stomach.

The main message of that “feeling”, is a feeling of “No.”, “Don’t.”, or “Move.”, depending on what the situation is calling for.

I learnt that my body knows, before my mind could make sense of it. And I learnt more and more, although I was mocked for this once in a job interview, that I have an innate sense of people, things and situations, before I can absolutely consolidate it in my mind as a fact that is real.

The truth is, I still don’t get it all right, or get my life in a way which completely satisfies. However, if you know what I know, external situations can never satisfy you. Satisfaction and contentment is a trait one has to develop internally for true fulfilment in life. It is an interesting way of living. Yet when one gets in touch with this, you might then begin to realize that most external pursuits are done in a way which is back to front. You might then realize that you can begin to pursue something externally, not because you want it to fulfil you or a need inside of you, but just because…. No other reason, then just because it is fun, because it is something you find interesting, because you’d like to see how it can contribute to your natural expansion and evolvement as a human being.

Constant Evolution. Constant Expansion.

It is in the nature of Life and Nature itself, in that change is programmed in its DNA. Constant evolution. Constant expansion.

To live against this programming, would set one up for trouble. Because then you will fight against change when change and evolving itself, is wired into your own DNA. We are not meant to remain stagnant. In fact, we are meant to evolve. To become even better than we were in the previous moment before. To see if you could handle things better and in a different way. To see if your previous thoughts and behaviour is benefitting you or not. To question old ways of behaving and thinking. And to understand the implications of this, I believe will benefit not only you, but humanity at large.

And this is where Life has gotten me to at this point.

 

~

Ever Evolving. Ever Expanding. 

Where my condition has brought me to today, through all its twists and turns, through all the eventual daily life challenges which a condition like mine would spark off like financial dramas, every single one of that has brought about the realization that nothing is really ever as bad as it seems. A situation can never be so bad, that it is the end of the world, that it has to ruin your life so badly that it bothers you day in, day out.

When I was diagnosed, I often wondered why I made my life a living hell with all those iggledy pickledy things which worries me day and night before, why I have had the tendency to be concerned about things which are so insignificant, that when I was unwell and dealing with larger problems, every one of those things seemed so small.

Yet, up till now, Life continuously remind me of this way of living. My diagnosis has lead me onto a pathway, where I am constantly reassessing and readdressing the way I look at life.

I begin to live in a way where I constantly remember what really matters. And the truth is, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I wouldn’t choose to live my life any other way than how I am now, or change a thing about what happened because if it never happened, I would probably be just exactly how I was as a person, living a solidly miserable existence, never knowing how Life could really be – even if its just a glimpse of it; Fearlessness. Boldness. Courage. Strength. Fulfilment. Ever Evolving… and Ever Expanding.

 

Note: For those who might not fully understand what I am referring to when I talk about presence and acceptance, I learnt about them from Eckhart Tolle. 

 

P.S: I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you know of  anyone going through something similar? Have you had direct experience with a condition/illness? Do you have to care for someone who is going through a severe illness? What are your thoughts on that? Has your thoughts on how Life should be lived changed? Let me know in the comments below, and if you like what you read, subscribe for more of such articles 🙂 

 



Continue Reading

Simple Pleasures of Life and it’s Lessons

Sometimes, when Life is a little bit more difficult to deal with, it’s far more easier said than done to try to appreciate the simple things that comes with daily life.

Life has been especially tricky with me, and the past 2 years of my life has not been the easiest. Other than going through a series of life challenges thrown my way, I have learnt so many things along the way, one of them include really growing up, and I mean, really,.. and while learning to grow up, also learning how to dig my heels into the ground and say ‘No‘.

Having been a person who was into inspirational quotes (and still is), and indeed, all my quotes came through during one of my life challenges when I was forced to be confined at home due to a treatment I was doing to heal my condition (confinement, and quarantine do, do you wonders.), what I have found is, it will, if you are able to absorb the message of it. But for some of us, or even more specifically so, me,.. during other types of life challenges, those darn inspirational quotes not only didn’t bloody work, but they made me even more pissed at the world.

Oh well. Life is as such.

But see, the thing is, sometimes, there is beauty in the horrible, ugly side of Life. What I have learnt, is that most times, when I struggled and experienced one of those dog-gone tantrums and inner conflict was because I didn’t trust my heart and go along with the first feelings which arises even before the entire situation came into full throttle and slaps you across the face when you realized that you were right all along.

Sometimes, it’s really that easy. Maybe we got to learn to trust ourselves much more.. I bet you might be saying, well, I decided to trust myself,.. and I got myself into trouble. Well yes, if you consider people disagreeing with you and being upset with your thoughts, opinions, and decisions, trouble. Perhaps we ought to distinguish between trouble, and growth. As written in one of the books from my favourite author Neale Donald Walsch, Conversation with God Book 2. (No it’s not the kind of God that you know. You’d probably either really enjoy and have a good laugh with this book, or recoil in absolute shock and horror haha.)

A lot of people whom I know considers me as someone who knows a great deal of spiritual growth, and someone who is very much equipped with the New Age and spiritual knowledge. Well, as far as I know anyway. But this post is to perhaps inform everyone that I don’t know anymore than I do before, – perhaps I know even less now. Life has brought me to a place of realizing that I know nothing,.. that Life is an experience. At one point, you think you got it all covered but in the next, you realized that all that you know are not only a load of bullocks but useless in being able to bring you to a point of feeling a little more better about yourself.

I have been extremely blessed for the opportunity to have recovered from my acute diagnosis of acute leukemia. I know I am meant for much more than what I have lived, and what I am currently living. In the midst of this knowing however, there is a great deal of learning, realizing, experiencing, threading the line, falling off the rope, climbing back up again, and repeat. I realize that I can only be a teacher in my own way of being, and behaving instead of words, and even this, I realized that I do fail from time to time again.

But what is failure, really?

I believe we fail only when we fail to be truthful to ourselves, to be honest with ourselves, and to fall short of being in integrity with ourselves. Even that however, is not entirely failure. You can only begin to learn from such experiences.

So the phrase ‘I have failed.’ is rather redundant. Rather, asking yourself ‘What is Failure to you?’ will serve you much more. From there, do yourself the favour and investigate if failure to you means falling short of other’s expectations of you, or, your own expectations of you. If you are living your life of the former, I highly suggest you to reevaluate your life unless you want to live your entire life living up to other people’s expectations of you which let me tell you, you will never ever be able to even begin to fulfill those expectations. However, don’t think you are off the hook either if failure to you means you failed to live up to your own expectations of you. Because that within itself spells a life of misery and doom arising out of unnecessary stress caused by the disease of perfectionism.

Oh will you look at that, we have gone a little out of topic so back on topic.

When I realized that I know nothing, not only is it one of the most scariest thing, but it renders a sense of loss, of everything that you have known and ever believed in. Probably because all the techniques which you are trying to apply to make yourself feel better are not working. And quite frankly, that’s okay too, feeling like you know nothing. It’s better to know nothing, than think you know the world, and remain stagnant wherever you are because you’re too arrogant to learn anymore.

Plus, I have no proper answer which might satisfy one who has a need for the perfect answer. The one way I know to make it easier for those of us in these circumstances , and might prolly’ even save your life is to take the easiest way out. Take the route that doesn’t restrict and restrain you emotionally. It might mean you needing to be entirely upfront and honest about your feelings. It might need you to walk away from the current situation you are in, like a job, or a relationship… I don’t know, but I am spelling out things which I have personally walked away from. And indeed, I have walked away from quite a number of things in my life and I will be lying if I say there is no drama after that.

But let me put it this way, drama comes when someone else disagree with you and tries to voice out their own opinions and feelings which might spell double trouble in the form of a huge ass argument or quarrel. Not something we all necessarily like or want to deal with, but it is also something that means growth. Not the arguments I mean, but growth is harnessed in your ability to be able to handle such disagreements and dramas, and your ability and courage to speak up for yourself.

Oh, and remember, if you don’t speak up for yourself, no one else would.

And if all else fails, perhaps chill, and have a drink, coffee, tea – whatever floats your boat. Though, I wouldn’t suggest alcohol because it has a way of making you feel worse the day after. The simple pleasures in life sometimes are already there for us to bask in, if we allow ourselves to get out of our minds, and just enjoy whatever that is in front of you in that moment.

You know, since you are already feeling bad, you might as well try something else, don’t you think? Rather than allowing your mind to go merry-go-round like a hamster on a wheel on that goddamn issue.

Home

Continue Reading

Why Dishonesty kills, and Integrity wins.

IMG_3862

From my recent experience of Life, I have come to see that, that is a very common way of being wherein people feel that it is necessary to say something which is less than the truth, all in the name of survival.

As you already might know, telling the truth, and being honest isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do. It stems from the fear of what others might think of you, and it relates to our natural human desire to want to be socially accepted and fitting in. And what’s more, in the career line, and corporate society, it seems to me that it is more for the sake of being able to get that next promotion, or to get a better ‘deal’ if you like. It is for the sake of pleasing the other person who is higher up the rankings than you, so you can get yourself in their rated ‘A’ book.

Gosh, what a way to live.

Now, I realized I have changed much for as I grew older, I realized my capacity to say ‘no’ grew as well.
I stopped being willing to say ‘yes’ to things that goes against my gut feeling. I stopped filling my brain with countless doubts of ‘Am I wrong?, What did I do?’, to looking at things in an overall context, and preventing myself as much as I can, to be a victim of another’s moods.

That does not prevent me however to feel like as though I am caught in the scheme of things of being compromised because other people have a way of being and behaving which is completely unlike mine.

(Anyone else feels the same way?)

So for a while, I felt this ultimate sense of discomfort which gnaws at my gut and my heart. My facial skin definitely shows for it because I broke out in pimples far more than I could count in the last 2 months.

Now, here’s the thing.

I am a lover of the New thought, age old knowledge and wisdom, and indeed, it has helped me through my darkest times. However, what I have found is that sometimes, such New age or spiritual advice or wisdom has been overly abused where it is completely misunderstood and hence used wrongly.

So let’s talk about the age old advice of the New Age proclaimed “Self-love”; in the form of Integrity, in the context of Transparency, Truth and Honesty with yourself.

Now this is not about some overly abused New age or spiritual morally justified theory of ‘I love and accept myself, so I don’t need to care about what others think of me and so I am going to do my own thing, and you do yours.’. Nor is it about some fighting for the survival for your own personal viewpoints by insisting that you are right and others are wrong.

No, rather, this is a balanced, all rounded, grounded approach in managing your own values and expectations while at the same time being able to navigate your way around your daily life and relationships, and sometimes this really involves putting your feet down, and a hand up saying ‘Sorry, I can’t do this.’

Ultimately, it is up to you as to what you personally desire to uphold as personal principles and values.
For me, given my tolerance of dishonesty, and less than the truth and transparency has drastically reduced, I am much less willing to say or do anything that does not reflect the truth, even if the truth might not sound pretty. Nor am I willing to undertake anything which goes against the boundaries I have set for myself hence saying ‘No‘ has become a common occurrence recently.

And quite frankly, the sleepless nights ain’t worth it.

So let’s dissect a few simple ways on why the title of this article is at it is.

Why Dishonesty kills?

Who do you have to live with for the rest of your life when you push against your own integrity?

You.
Who lives with that burden of guilt, shame and blame?

You.

And we all know all of that creates some psychological impact on our mind and soul, which then can have a not so wonderful impact on our bodies.

And Why Integrity wins?

With enough integrity and value for yourself and what you uphold, I.e your principles and values, you will be more aware of situations where your integrity, self-honor might be wavered and therefore, you will be likely more inclined to put yourself in a better position to be able to handle it.

Oh, and you have nothing to hide. #SelfConfidenceTipNo.1

Also, why do you want to live with all the mental discomfort which dishonesty brings?
#IntegrityBringsSanity.

Listen folks, this is a touchy subject I agree, with being honest and transparent with yourself and others. I can already hear people saying ‘She ain’t know what she talkin’ about’ but seriously, take it from me.’
Nothing is worse than going against yourself, going against integrity with you, your principles and values, and being dishonest with you. And once you’re become good at being honest with you, I can bet that you will become a bit more uncomfortable with not being honest with others as well. So, you might want to start telling the truth to others as well then.

The more we do this, the more we get better at it. And if the more of us start doing this, the more we begin leveling out the playing field in the corporate world and in all your relationships too. And once being honest and transparent becomes a society norm, the world will then become a little bit better, if not a better place.

Note:
Being in integrity has resulted in a sense of lightness, freedom, instead of the feeling of burden and heaviness which have engulfed the author her whole adult life. Also, she sleeps better, lives a little more care freely without all the guilt and burden, and does not have to deal much with those horrible huge pimples breaking out overnight.

 

Jassica Nia xx

Continue Reading

Secrets, Lies, Truths – Being Honest with You

drawing-269870_960_720

Secrets.

In my life, and from what I witnessed and am still witnessing amongst the culture that I live in, I noticed that people have secrets.

Well, let’s face it.

No matter what society, or culture you come from, everyone, have secrets. Of course we do. And it’s not like we are going to spew our deepest secrets to the person we just got to know, or a stranger sitting next to you on the tube.

But what I am going to talk about is truth, to yourself, and then to the people closest to you. This also involves people you are involved in matters which matter in your life, activities which make up a whole lot of your life, i.e work, and in general, relationships you have going on with literally, everyone and everything.

Having said that, are you aware that relationships govern everything that is going on in your personal life?

Yes. Starting from your relationship with you.

So let’s start with that.  

Telling the truth to you.

And I personally learnt that, that can be the one most difficult to thing to do. But when applied into my life, I also realized that it can be the one most liberating thing to do for myself.

Sometimes, we are afraid to be honest with ourselves. Because we are afraid to lose everything we have ever known and the very thing we are trying to cling on to. Yet, the beauty with truth is that there is light which is shine on that which was once dark, unknown, or should it be said, perhaps something that was once.. refused to be acknowledged – for some of us.

I once read an article called Keeping Secrets – a Life Limiting Habit , an article which made me realize the dark side of keeping secrets. Of course, all of us always do something and behave in a way which is rational to ourselves. We always conduct ourselves in a way we deem appropriate, even if to another, it is not. So with regards to secrets, more often than not, I realized that keeping secrets is a form of trying to protect ourselves, rather than trying to protect the very person we are hiding it from.

Well, the thing is, no one wants to be lied to. In actual fact, no one really, wants to be withheld from a truth. But because most of us do that, i.e keep secrets, some of us tend to be more understanding of why another keeps secrets.

Now the thing is this. If we want to be told the truth and have no secrets with our loved ones, and this applies not only to love relationships, but all relationships in general, how can we make it easier for this phenomena to happen more frequently in our lives?

What is the real truth here?

The real truth is, sometimes, or in fact, most times, most of us do not react well to the truth.

While we might think we can handle it, but can we, really?

On this note, we might want to think about making it easier the next time, for the next person in our lives who open up and be honest about what they feel with regards to any issue. No matter how difficult it might be. #FoodForThought

Then again, it’s not our fault – for those of us who want to be told the truth, and for those of us who withhold the truth.

Our current education system does not teach us how to handle such sensitive situations.

Society does not teach us how to tell the truth, and to do it the right way. And society surely does not teach us how to be more accepting of other people’s views and opinions as well as being open to an outcome of a situation.

Even as I am typing this, I chuckle at how I could have handled such situations better. The first port of call is, do not under any circumstance talk about such sensitive issues through texts. #ExtremelyImportant #FirstLearningPoint

That might be overreacting a little, but you get the drift. 🙂

Telling the truth, or discussing a sensitive issue, as difficult as it might be for some of us, might require us to do it in person because sometimes, when we are within the capacity of the other, we convey much more than our words. Our body language says a lot about what we really feel.  So if you are really going to want someone who matters to you to get what you are trying to say, you better really mean what you say, and be honest and as open as you could possibly be.

Now, sometimes, in the communication of our truths, we get confused.. And that, is the real truth. Sometimes, we just don’t know what we want, and we are actually scared and lost.  

Now here is the next part.

Are you able to be okay with you?

Communicating truths to another is one thing, and is a tactful skill to be applied even in the most skilled conversationalist.

But the thing is, what actually makes telling a truth, and discussing sensitive issues so difficult?

Well, it could be due to the fact that we find it difficult to live with ourselves – with the real truth that lies within us.

We are not okay – with us.

When it comes to speaking of something that matters to me, and conveying what I really think about something, I found that what really bothered me is what others might think about what I think. It is ultimately the need to fit in, the need to please, and the need to want others to accept me in that what causes the friction and conflict within me when conveying my truth.

The learning point is this:

When I accepted myself, when I accepted what I think and feel, and that it’s okay for others to have their own opinions and viewpoints, and that not everyone is going to think the way that I do, I became okay and sure footed in conveying and sharing my truth.

There is no longer the need to “sugar coat” my words as there is no more need to want to make others accept what I think and wanting them to ‘like’ and accept me.

I became okay, and liberated in that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and with this thinking in mind, I have set myself free.

I became okay with the knowing that people might not like me, and might not even be comfortable with me being in their circle.

I realized that there is no need to put up with bull**** and things I do not agree with. That it is within my rights to communicate freely, but also realizing just as much that it is equally as right for others to express themselves and communicate their thoughts.

Having said so, there is a fine line between truly communicating our truths in an open and genuine way, and expressing what we think and feel in a manipulative, hurtful and blaming way. To even get into the subject of how-tos and to navigate around the ways of trying to express our truths might need more than a thousand five hundred and thirty one words as on this page so we wouldn’t get into that here. But the rule of thumb is, you will know by way of how you feel whether you are getting onto the manipulative, blaming line or you just really, genuinely, want to express how you feel, and what you think because you want to resolve an issue, or because you want to get what you feel out in the open.

Remember that when you are in such a situation, how would you think you would feel if someone else claims to tell you something of what they feel, yet seemingly blame you for it? Telling the truth is one thing. Doing it tactfully and with grace, is another.

Of course, this topic is very subjective, and requires a lot of maturity and wisdom to handle it. In fact, I think I could even come up with a lesson called “Navigating The Tricks and Trades of Telling A Sensitive Truth Course 101” – and study it in detail myself. 😛

Coming back to our topic at hand, at the end of the day, it’s not even so much about what others think of you. Everyone is wired very differently. Neither do you have the capacity to control how and what every single person in your life think of you. To try to attempt that will be not only unfruitful or unsuccessful but it will be one of an unnecessary, exhausting, never-ending spiral.

At the end of the day, you need to live with you. So to even begin learning to be honest with others, you might want to start by being that, to yourself.

When you are honest and more in acceptance of you, you might even begin to find that you will be more tolerant and respectful of others opinions and viewpoints and allow them… the space, to speak their truths…

 

 

Jassica Nia xx

Continue Reading

3 key players to our Happiness and Work Efficiency levels!

In Life, all of us want the same things ultimately, Happiness, Love, Good Health and Abundance. And we all have our own personal ways of achieving what we want. 1fa14fb0

Hence, one of the things I am most passionate about throughout the years of my spiritual journey is playing around with the techniques of manifesting or creating my desires. It intrigues me, fascinates me and thrills the heck out of me. It is often a wonder really how it all works, and contrary to what I have believed where I thought that you need to have intense focus to manifest your desires, oftentimes, it is a blend of everything that is really what make everything flows.

I believe a lot of us would have experience some days where it can be especially tough and you feel like you are not even sure where you are going, and you just completely doubt yourself. I know that those are the days when I would be just so far removed from everything that I believe and know to be the ultimate truth.

So here’s the thing.

During such days, it is not that you are completely incapable of doing the best that you can, but the truth is, you are most likely just running low on fuel. I don’t quite believe you will tell your car off for running low on petrol, won’t you? Likewise, we all have our personal emotional and physical tanks of fuel where we sometimes find ourselves at one point just completely drained, tired and just plain exhausted.

And what’s the best part?

These emotional and physical fuel tanks of ours are indicators of what we need to do to fill it back up again.

These indicators are reminders to prevent ourselves to coming to an unnecessary ‘forced’ halt in the form of a possible physical breakdown where your body stops you from being mobile. That is also the reason why some people come down with a horrible bug and render themselves completely immobilized and needing to be confined to the bed for days at a time, or for worse case scenarios, an illness which stops devoid them completely of physical activities for a while. For such situations, it is often after years of doing everything that is against their emotional well being, which might have led to this. 

Listen to your bodyHealthy living

It knows what you need. On days when you are completely drained, it is highly likely that all you need is a really good night’s sleep, or a lay in for the weekend. From my personal experience, it
sure works for me. And yes, even being a Miss Positive does not stop me from being drained and exhausted by the end of the week. It sounds simple, but I can count many people who won’t allow themselves such a simple thing which is required to recharge the body. Also, don’t forget to eat well, and make sure you are properly nourished via the foods you take. Food is medicine. Choose wisely.

Take time off for You

It is important that one takes time off for themselves, in the midst of the hustle bustle. It might mean you need to be firm about your schedules and stop being a ‘yes’ person.

Now, I suggest rather than viewing this perspective as being ‘selfish’, try seeing it in the perspective in that you can’t be of any help to another if you are feeling down, grumpy, moody and drained. As much as most of us want to help and be helpful, we often forget that since we are one of the main components to play in other people’s lives, putting ourselves first needs to be on the top few on our priority list because without us being rejuvenated, and energized, we are really of no use to anyone else, much less ourselves.

Consciously connect to Fun and Play1409826466neabd

The truth is, if you are not happy, and if you are not filled with enough love and joy and excitement for Life, you can’t really give much to another anyway.

I have always heard this sentence ever since the start of my spiritual journey, but it wasn’t until I truly and totally assimilated this knowing into my being in that I finally understand what this really means.

Contrary to what I have been taught in that, it is wrong to please oneself in doing what you love because ‘Life is hard’, it has been difficult to even allowing myself to all the goodies of Life. Hence, it certainly has been a journey to a point where I have finally learnt to stop feeling guilty for having and doing something that pleasures me. And may I add, the statement ‘Life is hard’ is a belief within itself. If you have been browsing about my webpage, then you will know that I am a strong advocate of  choosing only beliefs which serve you and make you feel better about yourself.

Sometimes, rather than being too caught up in our daily routine, take some time off to consciously focus on what makes us feel joyful and happy. Other than enough rest, and good nourishment, what feeds and stimulates our mind plays a major part in our emotional and physical fuel tanks, and ultimately our happiness levels. As a real work addict and someone who likes to push through the lines of what I can achieve, I found that I need to consciously remember to be in touch to what thrill my soul buds. The result is always a wonderful feeling of heart expansion, to me a clear sign of channels opening up for me to achieve more in my daily routine.

How does this relate to work efficiency?

If you are not already aware, how this all relates to work efficiency is that, when you take time off for you, when you allow yourself enough fun, and play time, the end result is a much happier, contented, and stimulated you. You will find yourself much more at ease, much more playful and hence resulting in a much more creative you. Usual problems and life’s tricky situations which occur will bug you less, and you will be more inclined to be in a position to maneuver around such situations without allowing them to get you down. 

On the relationship area, you will be much more well liked, and have an instant charisma attractor factor, all by just being a much more happier, well balanced and easy person.

And no, I am not a fortune teller. 

Try this for yourself and you will be your very own testament to this truth. 

 

Take a look at what thrills me! 

Continue Reading

Embracing Your Quirks

Embracing Your Quirks

-as published in Huffington Post

I recently woke up one day, some days before the end of 2015, to the realization that the very reason I think differently, is the very reason why I made it this far.

The traits which were deemed to be a ‘weakness’, were the very reason why I am still alive today despite the incurable condition I was quite conveniently diagnosed with on 20th May 2014.

It struck me that for those times where I have spent days and hours wondering if I have made the right choices in my life, was because there was this nudge, this ‘inner voice’ within me that says, ‘Life is not meant to be this way.’

…And I was right.

Looking back now, and having done and read some few personality tests such as the  16 personalities test (Briggs Meyer)  , I realized just how in tune I already was back then without ever really knowing that I was totally in line with what I should or shouldn’t be doing. Those times when I had such an uncomfortable feeling in the gut that I was totally going against the flow or the current, or those times when I always felt that ‘this just isn’t the right way to do things’.

What can I say now… except “Wow! You go girl!

On a serious note though, this just supports my long standing view further in following your gut-feeling, and your intuition. In the 16 personalities test, there is a personality called Diplomat – Campaigner’. This personality turned out to be mine, and trusting my feelings and intuition is so very in my character/personality, and people with such a personality advocates doing so.

However, prior to even knowing that trusting my intuition and feelings is part of my natural character, before the personality of ‘Diplomat’ even made any sense to me, I always felt like I was lost in this jungle of feelings and facts, and with the external world telling me what they think they know, and me following my intuition and gut feelings.

It doesn’t help that my nature/character personality is also such where there were times when I wasn’t too confident of what I think and what I do, and it was a real struggle having to balance all of it.

In fact, it took me a long time to realize that I was right all along.

So, this post is going out to those of you who is potentially like me. Those of us who somehow have a knowing that following our heart is the right thing to do, yet at the same time we aren’t terribly too sure of ourselves. We have an inkling that life is so much more than climbing the corporate ladder and going 9-5, or basically just doing what society tells us to do.

Now I am not telling you guys to totally ignore the external world, for that is an extreme and it is always a good thing to have a balance. But this is about accepting you as who you know you are, within.

The thing is, you actually already know who you really are, what you like, where you’d like to go in life (or at least have an idea of that), and here’s a fun fact for you, the majority of the society consists of a people who possess a character entirely different from us Diplomats, called Sentinels. These personalities think differently from characters and personalities like us, and yes, research has been done on this and you will know it to be true because if you possess a Diplomat – Campaigner character like me, you will already know how different you are from the rest of the population, or perhaps, how different the rest of them is… from you.

So my point is this, if you ever have this gut instinct and feelings of wonder as to why you are so different from that lady in your team, or that funny character from the other department, then there is a reason to trust it and follow where that nudge is pointing you towards. In my experience, you might most likely be right in your intuition and there really is no need for those days where you spent beating up yourself on why you react and behave so differently toward things which others have a ‘normal’ behavior/expectation towards, and/or you seem to have lesser ‘ambition’ than the rest of the peeps you know.

On this note however, of course, balance is required. I am in no way asking anyone to give the excuse that, ‘I was told to follow my intuition and be a dreamer, and today I feel lazy- in fact, I have been feeling lazy for some time now so I am gonna skip on that task today.’ Or am I telling you to run down the streets naked screaming that “YES! I am different and I knew it!” Or putting down others and insisting you are right.

No. It is always about balancing your character traits. Being different does not in any way mean you are immediately placed on a pedestal or we become offish and overly confident in areas which we might have a tendency to overlook. No one is perfect and for those times where you sense you might be lacking in some areas, perhaps that could also be a good reminder for you to polish up on that particular area to pave the way for you to become a more balanced individual.

Nothing wrong with that.

In any case, for now, let’s enjoy and celebrate your differences, perhaps even your flaws and yes, your quirks.

For perhaps that is what indeed makes you a tad more ‘special from them all. LSN_67_YouAreDifferent_IG 

 

Continue Reading